When satan cannot reach you, he sends you a situationship

5 ways to escape a situationship before it ruins your life

Written by Oluwagbemisola Ogunleye

When Satan cannot reach you, he sends you a tall dark-skinned muslim Yoruba man or a slim light-skinned Igbo woman to trap you in a situationship and ruin your life.

The most annoying thing with situationships is that you are almost never the person that went looking for trouble. You were sitting on your own jeje when they came and started flirting with you. Now you caught feelings and they said they are not doing again.

They’ve now turned you to best in attachment issues with nothing to attach to but we listen and we don’t judge (much).

We are here to break all the chains that son of Adam/that daughter of Eve has used to tie you down. Here are five tips to help you get over your situationship;

1. Make a list of all the things they do that irritate you:

If not that love is blind, deaf and has catarrh, why else are you allowing a man that doesn’t brush his teeth spit monologues about the plans he has for you in your face. She wears patterned shirts on patterned trousers but she is too embarrassed to hold your hand in public. Let’s be honest, someone that is ashamed to be seen with you in public does not fit your aesthetic. Make a list of the icks that they give you; receding hairlines, bad friends or loud chewing and watch yourself lose feelings fast.

2. Think of the embarrassment:

If it has gotten to the stage where your friends ask you why you are posting sad things on your story and you are too ashamed to tell tahem he/she is the reason you are sad, it’s time to go. If it has not yet gotten to that stage, zaaaacongratulations but think of how embarrassed you’ll be to admit that you’ve been in a three-month long situationship very soon. You are too fine to be doing situationship, wetin go come do your steeze?

3. Block, delete and avoid:

If you have listed all their icks but have somehow managed to convince yourself that you can be happy with a man whose mother breastfeeds him when he’s sick (real life situation o) or a woman who has not cleaned her ear in two years. Or if you are one of the shameless that have refused to be shamed out of that situationship, it’s time to run for your life. Wake up one morning, block them, delete their number and avoid them for dear life. You don\’t need to give them an explanation and you\’ll never find closure, they don\’t deserve you and if that boy/girl still has enough mind to come and look for you at home, mobilise your friends to attack with hot water and mopsticks. Before you get violent (please don’t) check out this week’s opportunities for graduates and ubdergraduates.

4. Date someone new and send them wedding pictures:

They said the best way to get over someone is to get under another person. While we don\’t recommend using someone else\’s heart to rebound or trapping them in a situationship, your situationship is the one thing standing between you and true love. Start dating again. You don\’t owe your situationship any loyalty. When you enter like five talking stages with sane people, you\’ll remember what romance is like and how you are meant to be treated. There\’s nothing better to fight delulu than real life so date someone else. If you start today, you can send them your wedding pictures by the end of this year.

5. Stay until you begin to hate them:

If all the above have failed, it\’s time for spiritual intervention. You may or may not need an exorcism. The thing with situationships is that you either stay till you hate them or you hate yourself and you\’re stuck reading self-help books to learn how to love yourself again. We generally don\’t recommend this solution but we understand that it can be very hard to break off attachments.Still, taking the hard way is easier than hating yourself one year and six heartbreaks later.

Send this to a friend still in the clutches of the agent satan sent to prevent them from finding true love. No more late night overthinking, no more best in attachment issues. If you\’ve ever used any of these tips to escape a situationship, tell us how it went in the comments. As always, TFS dey for you 🧡.

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