The Subtle Art of Avoiding Billing

Letters From TFS

Written by Miriam Onyemenam

We’ve all been there. The notification comes through, and before you even check it, your heart drops because you already know what\’s coming—another request for “urgent” funds. Whether it’s your distant cousin who’s suddenly remembered your existence, or your friend who seems to think your bank account is a charity fund, billing is a part of the Nigerian student experience. But, my dear, billers go whine you, na you no go panic. There is an art to dodging these monetary attacks, and today, we’ll let you in on the good stuff.

1. Don’t Be Scared to Change It for Anybody

The first rule of avoiding billing is not being afraid to throw hands (figuratively, of course). Because let’s be real—sometimes the best way to avoid getting billed is to go on the offensive. Yes, you heard right. If someone tries to drop an unsolicited billing bomb on you, don’t be afraid to clap back. Let them know, in the nicest possible way, that you’re not the one to mess with. This doesn’t mean you have to start a full-blown fight, but it doesn’t also mean you should hesitate to change it for them, make it clear that you’re not having it.

For example, if someone hits you with a “Shey you no fit even do small thing for me?” feel free to respond with something like, “Me sef no deserve small thing?” or “You too do small thing for me na.” This not only shows that you’re aware of what’s going on but also signals that you’re not afraid to stand your ground. Sometimes, a little confidence is all it takes to make someone think twice before trying you again.

2. Don’t Let Shame Allow You to Chest Billing

Pride might be a sin, but when it comes to dodging billing, it’s a necessary one. The idea here is simple: if you carry yourself like someone who is barely managing, even if you’re secretly stacking, the billing brigade will find someone else to focus on. 

When they hit you up with “Can you send me something small?”, respond with “Omo, things tight o! I was even about to ask you for something sef.” This way, you’re flipping the script. Once you drop that bomb, most people will be quick to retreat. Everything na tactics.

Speaking of tactics, let me use this opportunity to beg you to subscribe. Pleaseee I’m on my kneees. Just click on the button below, follow the steps and you can continue finding out how to chase billers away. Thank you!

Alright, so where were we? Number 3 abi.

3. The Art of Selective Ignorance

One of the most effective strategies for avoiding billing is the well-practiced art of selective ignorance. This is when you strategically choose to ignore certain messages or calls—especially those that start with a friendly \”Can you do me a favour?\” Unless you’re prepared to pull out the receipts of your own financial woes, it\’s best to let those notifications marinate in your Notification Center. And if anyone questions your sudden radio silence, you can always blame it on network issues. After all, MTN and its 3 gba siblings have been moving mad these days.

4. Mastering the \”I Wish I Could, But…\”

A polite excuse can be your best friend. When selective ignorance isn’t an option, having a list of go-to excuses is crucial. The “I wish I could, but…” approach allows you to sympathize with the biller while still preserving your funds. 

Example: 

Them: “Can you help me out with something small?”

You: “Ah, I wish I could o! But I just settled my rent and bought materials for my final year project. My account is crying.”

This works because it shows you care, but also demonstrates that you’re in no position to help. It’s empathetic, it’s reasonable, and most importantly, it’s effective.

5. The Importance of Diversions

Finally, when all else fails, the power of distraction should never be underestimated. If you can sense that a request is imminent, quickly divert the conversation to something else—preferably something that interests the other person.

For example, a regular or potential biller hits you up with that \”How far?\” and you already know what’s coming next. Don’t wait for them to get there. Shift the conversation like a seasoned pro. 

Them: \”How far? Long time, no see.\”

You: \”Ah, I’ve been thinking about you o. Remember that time we used to gbadun like say tomorrow no dey? Those days ehn, wahala no too much like this!\”

By the time you’ve dragged them down memory lane, the billing intent might have disappeared or at least diminished. Don’t be afraid to redirect the conversation. Sometimes, all it takes is a well-timed reminiscence or a joke to make them forget their mission.

Conclusion

Avoiding billing isn’t just about saying no; it’s about how you say it and the subtle ways you can navigate the conversation without damaging relationships. The truth is, everyone’s going through something, and while it’s good to help when you can, it\’s equally important to protect your own financial health. So, the next time you see that “urgent” message pop up, remember these strategies and keep your bank account intact.

Disclaimer: this advice doesn’t apply to egbon adugbos because if anything happens to you, our hand is not there o..

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