National grid is hot but you can be hotter

Surviving your next semester without electricity.

Written by Oluwagbemisola Ogunleye

When God said let there be light in Genesis, only the echoes of his voice got to Nigeria. That is the only reasonable explanation for how often our national grid has been fainting lately. Since modern technology is not working, we recommend blood tonic, malt, and powdered milk because evaporated milk is too expensive to be buying per each fainting spell.

In all these, our thoughts and prayers are with the brethren doing remote work. How do you want to explain to Mr Ba Sing Se from Singapore that the reason you were absent from work for three consecutive days is that the national grid is behaving like an African mother\’s pregnant housemaid?

If you see any studentpreneur outside, hug them and squeeze five million inside their hand. We are manifesting understanding customers for you with every price increase this economy is forcing you to make.

We are also thinking of naming this newsletter ‘TFS- the student messiah’ because once again we are here with tips that will save you, your frozen chicken and your remote job from embarrassment:

1. The ‘Generator’ power bank

If you are still buying the regular power bank that can fit in your crossbody bag in this time and age, you are short-changing yourself. Think bigger, think multipurpose. Why buy an ordinary power bank when you can have a dumbbell, building block, electricity generator, and 2-by-2 skull destroyer all in one?

As a Nigerian student, you have no business buying a powerbank that is less than 4000mAh. Bonus points for if your mini-inverter can also charge your laptop.

If you don\’t have ten million to buy a power bank right now, you can sell your least favorite sibling or save towards it (if you are an only child). Good power banks are pricey but it is a worthy investment seeing as everything in this country (including the people) is currently unstable.

If you have been laughing at those carrying generators around, it is time to swallow your pride and buy your own. Steeze is eternal until it is time to pay for the food you just ate and your iPhone battery gives up on you. The fine girl/boy you are doing will not charge your phone. Leave steeze alone and buy your own mini-generator today.

1. ‘Forget’ the goods

Disclaimer: We will deny you if they ask who taught you something so unethical and you point to us. If anybody asks the team, we were hacked. Good luck to you and yours.

*looks left and right

If you are a studentpreneur, press your eyeballs to the screen and read this carefully. Do you know that your vendor has solar and a bigggg cold room?

If yes, then why are you buying 40k chicken that you won\’t use immediately to store inside your seven-year old fridge in a building where the security man is using cutlass to ward off NEPA officials every Tuesday?

Find a vendor with a policy that allows you to buy goods in advance and leave the goods with them. Let them bear storage costs. Las las, they will sell your chicken and give you another one. It is better than having to decide between either doing flash sales or buying fuel of 15k to power your fridge so that the meat won\’t spoil.

1. That rechargeable table fan will save your life

This year, the weather has been dancing between making us wonder if someone somewhere is building an ark or if Satan and his adversaries are considering moving hellfire to Lagos. Unfortunately, it is about to get a lot hotter and if you don\’t feel like finding out what suya feels like on the Aboki\’s roasting rack, we recommend dashing into the nearest electronics store and buying a rechargeable table fan. Sabi boys and girls will buy their own with a solar panel. If that one is too much for your budget, that portable rechargeable hand fan may soon be the only thing standing between you and your maker in the coming months.

1. Invest in dried food

If we are being honest, the only kind of meat that we can really call fresh is chicken that was killed five minutes ago. It is not every time fresh fish, I mean have you tried kilishi? Do you know why dried food is always so lean? It is because all the calories inside the food have been roasted till condemnation. Storing food by roasting/drying/dehydrating it might as well be the best way of preserving it in a place with unstable electricity.

If you know someone that this series of power outages has nearly sent to Yabaleft, send this to them. If you have any more national grid-survivor tips, let us know in the comments section. Like for a wider reach and subscribe if you like gbeborun and student-life hacks.

As always, TFS dey for you 🧡

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