Being the First to Attend University in Your Family

We understand the pressure.

Being the first in your family to attend university feels like carrying a medal and a mountain at the same time. On one hand, you’re the family’s pride and joy and on the other, you’re trying to decode what “APA referencing” even means. The pressure is real, but people have done it successfully, and so can you. Let’s talk about how to navigate this journey without running mad.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

You’re proud, they’re proud, everyone’s proud…but you’re also stressed out of your mind. That’s normal. And while your mom might frame your admission letter, you’re just trying to figure out what exactly is going on in school. Take a deep breath. You don’t have to have it all figured out at once. Nobody does. Permit yourself to learn as you go.

2. Set Realistic Expectations with Family

We need to talk about family expectations. Your parents and relatives likely see you as the family’s golden ticket, which means you might hear phrases like, “We’re counting on you,” or “Don’t let us down.” The pressure to excel, graduate with honors, and land a high-paying job can feel suffocating.

While their intentions are good, you need to protect your mental health by gently but clearly setting boundaries respectfully. Here’s what that might sound like:

• “I really want to make you proud, but I also need you to understand that school is not easy for me right now.”

• “I’m doing my best, but putting too much pressure on me is making it harder to focus.”

• “Please trust that I’m trying my best. I do not take this opportunity for granted.”

3. Learn to Say No (Without Guilt)

Every Nigerian student knows that the family group chat is a full-time job. “Help your cousin with his homework”, “Can you write this application for me?”, “Please help me reply to this email” – all before 9 a.m.

Here’s a hack: learn to say “No, I can’t do that right now” and stick to it. Your sanity is important. And if anyone makes you feel bad about it, hit them with the classic line: “If I fail now, who will help all of you later?” Works like magic.

4. Find Your People

Being a first-gen student can feel isolating, but you’re not alone. Somewhere on campus is someone just like you, also pretending they know what a “technical report” is.

Join a student group, attend events, or even make friends over mutual confusion in class. Oh my gosh, you don’t understand? I don’t understand too. What is happening hereeee? Your tribe is out there, and they’ll make this journey feel a little less lonely.

That’s why you should join a community like TFS, subscribe to our newsletter, and all the details will be in your email.

5. Celebrate Your Wins (No Matter How Small)

If you survived a three-hour lecture without scrolling through TikTok, you deserve a standing ovation. If you submitted an assignment five minutes before the deadline, pop a bottle (of Sprite, please).

Life as a first-gen student is hard enough without waiting for some grand achievement to celebrate. Clap for yourself at every milestone, no matter how small. You’re doing great, sweetie!

6. Don’t Be Too Hard on Yourself

University isn’t a Nollywood film where everything magically works out because you’re the “chosen one.” Sometimes, you’ll fail a test, miss a deadline, or oversleep and miss your 8am lecture. And that’s fine.

Learn to forgive yourself and keep pushing. After all, even the sweetest Jollof rice burns if you’re not careful, but it doesn’t stop being delicious. You’re allowed to make mistakes, it’s all part of the process.

7. Remember Why You’re There

This may sound so Nigerian-parent coded but it’s true. Remind yourself why you’re doing this school thing in the first place. You’re not just in uni for fun; you’re laying the foundation for your future.

Yes, your success will inspire your siblings, cousins, and even random village people who will brag about you at every opportunity, but at the end of the day, that success is yours.

As the first in my family to attend university, I can tell you it is not easy. It comes with unique challenges for everyone, but it’s also an opportunity to pave the way for others. Take it one step at a time, lean on your support system, and never forget how far you’ve already come. You’ve got this.

Share this newsletter with your friends who are also under pressure and remind them that everything will be fine.

And hey, even if you’re not the first in your family to attend university, but still feel like you have the weight of the whole world on your shoulders, this is for you too. Whether you’re the first, the third, or the last born with elder siblings who already graduated with first class, the struggle can still be real. Your journey is valid and your feelings are real. Just take it one day at a time and remember: you’re doing just fine.