How to Answer the Popular “When Will You Graduate?” Question

Dodging nosy relatives, one comeback at a time

Written by Miriam Onyemenam

Easter will be upon us very soon and extended family members will be all over the place, asking all sorts of questions when they should be eating chicken and minding their business.

One of these questions is the classic “When will you graduate?” It doesn’t matter if you’re two minutes into your first semester or barely hanging onto your sanity thanks to final-year shenanigans; somehow, this question is everyone’s business. They ask like you’re in charge of the school calendar, the economy, and the sun rising in the east. So, what can you say when you’re asked this dreaded question?

Here are some befitting responses you can give the next time someone has the audacity to ask when you’re finally finishing school.

• “As soon as ASUU decides to release me from bondage”

Nothing gets a Nigerian family more riled up than bringing up ASUU, the Academic Staff Union of Universities. Your family knows that ASUU strikes are like the rainy season—they come unannounced and sometimes refuse to go. If you can throw in a sigh and a tired look, they may just start lamenting on your behalf about the state of the country’s educational system, and voilà! You’ve successfully shifted the conversation to ASUU.

• “Let me check with my VC”

Since everybody wants to be mad, be madder. Act like you have the Vice-Chancellor on speed dial and you’re just waiting for him to confirm your graduation date. Say it with the straightest face possible. If anyone looks confused, shrug and say, “Well, he doesn’t always pick my calls.” Disclaimer: this may quickly become a “you don’t have respect” situation, but at least they’ll drop the graduating subject.

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• “After my last semester, by God’s grace”

This is a classic answer because Nigerians love it when you add “by God’s grace” and technically, you will graduate after your last semester in the school. Once they hear that, they know the matter is in higher hands and may just back off. And the beauty of “last semester” is it could mean anything from two weeks to two years. They’ll nod along because who wants to argue with God’s plan?

• “We can’t rush greatness”

If you’re feeling bold and have your sense of humor intact, let them know you’re not in a hurry. Tell that pestering aunty that “we can’t rush greatness. I need time to master my skills in all aspects of university life.” Play it off as if you’re aiming for a PhD in campus living—cafeteria eating, hostel surviving, and bunk-bed acrobatics included.

• “Stay tuned, it’s a surprise”

Sometimes, instigating confusion is the best angle. Act like you’re planning a big reveal. Say something mysterious, like “I want it to be a surprise! You’ll know when I pull up in a cap and gown.” Now they’ll either think you’re closer to graduating than you actually are or that you’re just weird. Either way, they’ll let it go for the time being.

There you have it: the ultimate guide to handling the “When will you graduate?” question with finesse. These responses should hold off the relatives for a bit and maybe even make the conversation a little fun for once. Next time they come with questions about your education, hit them with one of these and watch as the conversation shifts to other things.

And hey, if you need more survival tactics for dealing with family, subscribe to our newsletter. We’ve got you covered😉

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