10 Subtle Signs of Ment

If you do any of these, kindly check into YabaLeft on Monday

Written by Miriam Onyemenam

There are certain things people do sometimes that make you stop and wonder if everything is okay upstairs. No, we’re not talking about real mental health issues—this is about those questionable behaviors that just don’t make sense. Let’s get into it and see if you or anyone you know is guilty of any of these.

1. Re-heating noodles

Noodles are supposed to be eaten immediately after they\’re made. But some people will let it go cold, shove it in the microwave, and then act like it’s still the same meal. It’s not. You need to ask yourself if everything is okay upstairs.

1. Using a fork and knife to eat swallow

Swallow is meant to be tackled with your bare hands, or at the very least, a spoon. If you’re cutting eba like it’s a piece of cake, you’ve lost the plot and I tell you, our ancestors are not happy with you at all.

1. Calling people before 7 am

Anyone putting out a call (without prior approval) before 7 am has clearly lost touch with reality. Unless it’s an emergency or a very important matter, what could be so urgent that it can’t wait until after breakfast? A call before the sun is fully up should be reserved for life-changing news or urgent matters—nothing less.

1. Playing music with speaker on the road

This one signifies a special level of ment. Have people who do this ever considered that they’re disturbing others? I mean, we all love a good jam but there is time for everything.

1. Buying clothes for your bitmoji on Snapchat

You know what, I just need you people to tell us where you’re seeing money. Because what do you mean you’re using ₦3500 to get a new shirt for your bitmoji? If you don’t have anything better to do with money, come and dash us, please.

Or you can help us by subscribing to this newsletter. 

It wouldn\’t even cost you ₦3500, it\’s for free.

God bless you as you comply.

1. Pressing your phone on bike

Apart from this being risky, you’re practically just asking for trouble. If someone snatches that phone now, you’ll start blaming Nigeria. Yes, Nigeria is what it is but any wahala caused by this act is entirely your fault.

1. Eating more than four slices of bread in a sitting

Some of you eat as if there’s a famine on its way that the rest of us don’t know about. If not that it’s your last supper why are you eating like 6 or 8 slices of bread? At least, have some fear of God.

1. Sending voice notes of over 5 minutes

If your voice note is longer than two minutes, maybe you should just enter studio. That way your talent won’t be wasted on chatting. 

1. Wearing makeup to the gym

Please, does sweating not ruin makeup? Does working out not lead to sweating? And is the whole point of going to the gym not to work out? You see how the math is not ‘mathing’.

1. Ironing jeans

Haba, who did this to you? I understand that we like suffering in this country but this one is extreme. There’s nothing to straighten in jeans but if you think there is, you’re probably focusing on the wrong thing that needs to be set straight.

If you think this list was spot on, share it with someone. If you think we left out some subtle signs of ment, comment on it.

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